It’s been raining cats and dogs here the past few days. I could still sit on our balcony and do my stretching while listening to lovely sound that rain makes. None of us were really complaining. Alba and I even jumped a lot of puddles on the way home from school. Oh, the joy, I love it just as much as she does. If I wouldn’t look like a crazy person I would spend time dancing in the rain barefoot. Today the sun is out and a promise to reach 15 degrees. So lucky to get this weather during weekend so we can enjoy it together.
Friday night was spent with movie, pizza and red wine. I can’t get enough of parma pizza.
Babe, ready for weekend fun!
Our Saturday plan is to visit friends. Filips colleague and his family. Alba says the cutest thing “we are visiting daddys work person”, it’s so funny.
I’m going to try and photograph their family portraits with their newborn baby. Now they have three little adorable boys. Two of the kids are in the ages between 2-4. So, challenge accepted to gain their trust to let me take pictures and all of them tohehter. Capturing images with their own little personalities.
I absolutely love when the coffee maker, right before it’s done, purrs like a pleased kitten lying on it’s back in complete trust. The familiar aromas filling the kitchen promising a new day has come. There’s a secrete message in the steam that’s slowly dancing from the hot cup. It’s easily forgotten in the daily morning rush and the very thought of the obligations waiting. However, in a still moment a remainder, as the sun has set and again arised, it’s a blank page. It is the very most perfect time to seize all of the possibilities that a new day holds.
I’ve never been able to trust that there’s a time and place for everything. Nonetheless I believe it to be true, I find it terrifying to give in and let go of things that are out my control. I seem to desperately, in vain, still reach for it. Many times I tend to stay hurt simply because I know it well. I’ve held hands with demons in the dark, it feels safe, they know me by now. Sleepless nights with wandering emotions and thoughts has awoken creativity. I feel it as a tingle in my finger tips and does my walking steps suddenly need to go faster, bigger? I have longed for it, worrying I’d scared it away, maybe even lost it forever. My dramatic way of thinking is on point.
I’m opening my heart with full power as if my chest could reach the sky. Allowing all senses to continue staying activated. Memories and moments making my inner shatter as well as gratitude heats and fills me, I indeed feel that too. Could it be that I should observe what’s happening, instead of struggling to alter? Perhaps instead of fearing that I will cut myself by touching the broken pieces, I should carefully choose the ones to I want to keep. To rebuild, this time with a learnt lesson, a little wiser. I can’t change what’s happened nor should I allow it to paint me all over with a brush dipped in colours that aren’t mine.
I sip on my coffee determined to let myself follow this through, it’s clearly waiting for me to do something about it. I’m ready to embrace it.
So Monday has come to it’s end and (read my question as Chandler from Friends would say it, the ones who know will know) could I be a worse mother?
Wille was feeling better, he said so himself and he was teasing his sister like any other day. I asked him several times if he was up for lunch out and a little walk to the shop. I wanted first of all to get both of yesterdays dinner wishes met. It also seemed so easy with sushi for a quick lunch and for us all to get some fresh air. The plan was to shop so I could make homemade burgers. At first we had a lovely time taking turns on answering questions “always or never”. But slowly I saw Wille loosing energy. We tried eating fast and then went back home. He walked straight into our bedroom and before I knew it he was fast a sleep. I should have known.
We’ve had a nice and calm afternoon. Alba has now started complaining but I’m not sure if it’s just so that I’ll let her stay home tomorrow too. We’ll see. At the moment she is practicing karate and bouncing from the sofa screaming “hayaaaaaa”.
The kids have asked me several times if we “please, please, please could watch a Christmas movie today?”. Should we start placing bets on whether we can make it another two weeks without starting it all too early. It’s even harder now that our matching Christmas pj’s came today. (Yeah, I’m torturing my family.)
What happened? When did the baby get so big?
We just finished watching “karate kid”. They loved it and I enjoyed watching something else but pokemon.
At this very moment I should be wishing for death at the Monday fitness class but instead I’m tucked in bed with the kids. Wille got a fever yesterday afternoon and has all night slept very close to me with a sore throat and headache. Poor little thing, the way he tells me that it hurts, he seems to believe that I can remove the pain. I really wish I could. Alba should have gone to school, of course, but she screamed from the top of her lungs that she would not go. I tried talking to her but she explained she will go nowhere without her brother. Ever. She also thought we would have lots of fun without her. She seems a little off today, so I’m actually a little worried she’s next in line for illness. Let’s hope not and fingers crossed for fast recovery. I will admit it’s cosy to stay in bed cuddling. Now we are watching Tintin and petting a tiger.
So, about yesterday, we did end up building our little shop. The kids enjoyed it so much I had time to cook, clean and take care of the laundry when they were playing. Obviously I had to come in shopping once in a while.
All we need to do is to decorate it a little We started off doing it with the only thing we found, a Spanish newspaper. We like it!
We bought the biggest mango we have ever seen and it was absolutely delicious.
Fruit and movie before bedtime.
Today we will take it easy. I’ll see if there at all is a possibility to go for a quick food shopping. I thought I would get a lot of things done today. Never mind, there’s time another day.
This morning the man of the house left for work at seven o’clock. I would almost call that in the middle of the night. Okay, that’s not fair but it should be a crime on a Sunday. Up until the last minutes of Filip getting ready I was holding my breath and thinking “please, please kids keep sleeping”… Then I heard Willes little soft voice. Oh, well, I thought. I was already awake and struggling to fall back in to sleep since hours back. But to my surprise Wille tip toed in to our bedroom and carefully found a place between me and Alba. I heard him snoring within minutes. Alba and Wilhelm are both so warm when they sleep and it is perfect sharing a big cover with them because I had been so cold during the night. Although, all the crazy kicking I could go without. I have a theory now, I think their little feet are searching for body contact confirming that I’m still there. And as I slowly move away from little feet they seem to come back with double force. That could be a reasonable explanation.
At around 9.30 Alba opened her big brown eyes and whispered “mamma, is it morning?”. The thought of answering no and keep on trying to sleep did cross my mind. The kids chose to switch on the movie “Rise or the Guardians”. We had a serious discussion whether it’s “too Christmasy” and what their dad would say about it. Because we, as a family, have decided to not feel, see or begin christmas a day before the first of December. And to be honest, even that could be a little early. I’ve already said this but It’s still driving me mad with all Christmas songs in every store or everywhere we go. I don’t mind lights along the streets are being prepared as long as they aren’t lit until, well first of December. I love Christmas, as a child it was my favorite time of the year. For a long time I believed it was a magical time and the only time that miracles would happen. And beginning Christmas too early is playing with fire, that just has to remove a little of the magic and we would all loose the chances of miracles. Willes argument for the movie won, if the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy are in it – it can not be a Christmas movie. Okay, we all agreed.
The kids snuggled up and began to argue over who held my hand, who was where ever first. I knew that was my cue and I made us breakfast in bed. I’m pretty sure that’s why we have Sunday’s in the world, they should be spent with the ones we love, sleeping in, eating a lot and all day long.
Today’s plans are a little unclear. I have the car, which Filip usually has. Its ridiculous how access to it makes me feel so free. It’s almost too much, so now I can’t make my mind up on what we should do. We’ll be going cruising a little anyhow.
As I mentioned we bought a new TV and the box from it is still in the hall. And I really don’t feel like trying to throw it out. So, I’m thinking if I should get the glue gun out and make them like a little shop out of it. But then I want to buy little things for the shop but on Sundays everything’s closed. Obviously because everyone is spending time with loved ones, sleeping in and eating all day. Sunday’s for the win!
So, miss stubborn Alba decided yesterday morning that she wanted to bake. Anything, but mostly muffins with everything on top. Everyone who knows me, they know I would never bake. I hate it. I truly do, and I would pay money just to never do it. But obviously I want to make my baby girl happy. And I tried getting my head around it, reading recipes, trying to mentally get there. Then I saw them – a bag full of plane muffins! I know Albas patience is as big as the eye of a needle. She wouldn’t want wait for dough to rise or when it’s in the oven. So we bought a bag full of them, sprinkles and nutella-look-a-like as frosting. And as a cherry on top we could “bake” on our balcony in the sun! If that isn’t the dream, I don’t know what is.
I made one, it was for Filip, ’cause that’s the kind of wife I am.
Afterwards we watched the new Lion King as we ate spaghetti bolognese for dinner.
Our Sunday list:
1. What’s on the top of the wish list today?
Alba: A real, real, real puppy…. Or a baby, little kitten. But it has to be really alive.
Wille: A radio-controlled car, which has to be super cool. It should be black and green or orange and black.
Me: Warm pyjamas with matching slippers. Or actually three sets in different colors!
2. If you could choose anything for dinner today, what would it be?
Wille: Mamas homemade burgers!
Me: Parma pizza, my new big craving.
3. If you could know the absolute and total truth to one question, what question would you ask?
Wille: How do dragons breathe fire?
Alba: At what time at night does Peter Pan come?
Me: Who was Jack The Ripper? Or was Marilyn Monroe killed? Was Winston Churchills memorable prints in history made during any time of top of the top or at the lowest of low in bipolar deases? We are all wondering, so I’ll put it out there, does fairies or anything similar actually exist? And what’s up with the Bermuda Triangle? Is soulmate a real thing? Who could possibly choose only ONE question? The last questions is not my final question so don’t answer it. I’m just saying.
4. If you got to choose what ever you want to, what would we do today?
Wille: Visit a museum to see the bones of real dinosaurs.
Alba: Go to a zoo and meet cheetahs.
Me: Swing by New York to see what the fuss is about. Or revisit Venice! Or eat cheese and drink wine in a tiny village in Italy. Or, I’m loosing it trying to answer these questions. I’d propably take the kids to New York for a long lunch and shopping then a gondola ride in Venice where we would enjoy a delicious three course meal. For dessert they’d have to cross a little bridge (still at my made up restaurant) on to a little island all made out of cookies and ice cream. And everytime the kids would utter the word “yummy” strawberry sprinkles would come down as snow from the roof.
5. What is your best joke?
Wille: Why is number one the first number? Because number one is first, called one because its a “bajskorv”.
Alba: Why does a dog run on turd? Because he is silly!
Me: knock, knock. Who’s there? This post ends here.
Now I have two restless souls next to me. It’s time to get the day started.
By the way, Wilhelm and Alba is asking EVERYONE we know to also answer the questions.
Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.
– Will Smith
I would like to write “yay, weekend!”, I know it’s Friday but it feels like.. a Thursday. As if the weekend is oh, so close but still not. I’ll try and get it into my head.
The best of my Fridays is the pilates class at school with the other mamas. The instructor is very informative and I feel that I can push myself in a safe way after seeing the exercises and how to avoid injuries. And this week I only had medium sore muscles after Padel with Filip, so I could actually do a workout today. Seriously, last week I was almost crying every single step.
This week padel lesson was fun. It’s still so much for me to think about. And I might be the worse person at practicing any sports. Like, you know, in a comedy movie when you see that a person simply isn’t a sports person. But it’s okay because I think it’s so fun.
So first Filip and I played an hour just the two of us, the hour after we had the lesson.
When I picked the kids up Wilhelms first words were “I’m so proud and happy for Alba, she got a star today!” She had indeed gottenssomething – an award in her class. A few students got some too but for other qualities and Albas teacher said she chose Alba for “Adaptability”. My girl is so brave and she was beyond proud. (Not sure I should say, but there were two cute boys competing for her attention. Both of them seemed a little smitten.With big smiles they waved good bye.)
Hola, I should have gone to Spanish lesson yesterday but it was moved till today. And as it turnes out I just don’t have the time. Giving it another thought I’m sure it’s for the best too. I’m a hormonal mess. I can barely focus at all and it’s a struggle to get started. I’m in between emotions wanting to throw stuff in the wall and just wishing someone would hug me, even if it has to be a stranger. It all sounds so dramatic and this time it actually is. Everything does however feel better after morning yoga at the kids school. It was a relief to breathe into the flow, opening the mind and feeling the heat to spread from the inside and out, all the way to the tip of my toes.
Let’s all agree on being kind, I’m aware of that I did the opposite side.
Yeah, still need to get myself a yoga mat. I was slipping around more than Bambi on ice.
Yesterday the kids had their photos taken at school. They were so excited and. Did their hair in the morning.
When I picked up the kids Alba asked me if I could give her a job. She wants to earn money to buy a jumper with a flower on it. So, I said she could help me with the laundry, as that is “outside” of her own (unpaid) duties. Those are: making their beds, picking up toys and taking out their plates themselves. I believe in the kids knowing we all help out at home. That we clean “our own mess”. I’m hoping they will be grateful about that when they get older.
Wille did not want to earn money. He cleaned his room and then wrapped himself up in the sofa. It seemed very cosy.
I was in the mood for this curry dish even though I did not have a recipe or had ever made it. So delicious if I get to say so myself.
Yes! Yes! Yes, children! I’m going to try to say YES more to the kids this week. More than ever, to as many questions as possible. Try not to assume and expect them to “know by now”. All this to actually make my “no” stronger. I’ve lost the power guys, seriously, sometimes I say no like 12 times in a row. No, not even that’s enough for me to be heard or listened to. So I’m trying this. Seven days. Choosing my battles very, very carefully. They don’t know what they’ve started. This means war and I must win.
Wey, for Liverpool! We got our burgers and I’m a little hungry when writing this post so I’m struggling to be completely honest in my grading. I would say 3/5 buns. It was okay, nor more of less. But the beef as perfectly cooked.
Today I woke up and did not feel like the mom of the year. Far from it. I had forgotten to hang upp the new washed clothes yesterday. And because the kids only have one set of winter uniform (their sizes are finished at the school uniform shop) they didn’t have dry clothes for today. But I managed to dry the pieces with my hair dryer. We had to run like the wind to school and the kids made it just in time. Alba even had a second to turn around and give me a big kiss. Wow, I love being a mother even when I should be kicked for mistakes like these.
After the drop off it was time for fitness and our instructor is gorgeous, warm and also a little crazy. She is awesome. I seriously propably first time ever being so close of walking out of the class because it was so tough. I felt like a fricking viking when we were done.
After I continued my day of running to wait for the new tv which should have arrived last week. I could not help but notice it was only ONE man delivering it. I get it, the 65 inch tv isn’t that heavy. But hello? In and out of car and elevators? Just being able to softly place it on the floor? I’ll say, he did it with a ballerinas grace with… well how do I say this, a big belly full of love. In Sweden they propably have rules for how to lift the box, how long etc. You gotta love Spain.
Warning to sensitive readers: note to self and to all females out there who would like to keep a stable mental health. Do not continue an attempt of becoming nicotine free if you get your period within 7 days from starting. It may kill you and most propably faster than smoking will. Just give in. Puff away. Once a delusional person (me) insisted that people are not born with character, they build it. What a load of stupidity. I’ve smoked 3 cigarettes since Wednesday 6th of November. But I almost need to tie myself to the sofa to keep myself from lightning up two of those bad boys at the same time. Because I’m sure one of those poisoning sticks will not calm this. Okay, pushing through. Staying strong. One hour at the time. Wish me luck, I desperately need it.