In Sweden we dance around a flower.. Pole? on midsummer.

Hola, It’s been a while and here’s a little update about the kids. Time passes by so fast! Tomorrow it’s their last day of their very first term at Laude. I don’t think any of us have understood this year has already come to it’s end. It still feels a little strange feeling that our children now go to school. What happened to our babies? And it was in May/June we decided to move to Spain, how can it already be December?

One big change in Wilhlem and Alba is that now they’ve started to find their own identities without each other. Their little personality are flourishing and it’s amazing to see them create new friendships. I consider us to be lucky for not having to struggle with sibling fights or rivalry. I mean of course they have disagreed, but still , above all they’re best friends. Most of all they have each others backs as if they’ve been in combat together in a previous life. A part of me thinks that if (god forbid) I’d get a phone call that one of my children have commit a crime or somehow got themselves into trouble, I’m pretty sure the other one will be sitting on the same chair, just as guilty. Completely ready to bring the world down just to defend the other. I wouldn’t want to have it any other way, let’s all just keep our fingers crossed that their loyalty only will be needed for good deeds.

Anyway, now they do fight a little more and don’t give in to each other as easily. Opinions are stronger and they are ready to stand their ground. Usually one ends up winning, because at the end of the day they still want to play and do everything together. There are days when I hear them trying to compromise, they’re getting there. We will be receiving the kids school report from this term tomorrow. So I’ll know more then about how things are going. But I’d like to mention that Willes teacher has said that he is doing very well in maths – which he also thinks is fun. I just love that. Especially at thins age, this is a level I understand..

Yesterday was a “big” day for both kids. Alba had a show and Wilhelm was going to present his country in front of the class, in front of children and their parents. Both at 14.30, so picture me running between two different class rooms every five minutes. Alba had a little dance, we made a Christmas cracker and then I went to Wille.

Look, this was a homework, which I had NOT received information about, until the day before. I said, well, we have not prepared for that. A teacher said, that’s okay, there are a few children who will not be doing it. So I thought, okay. (Sometimes we get a list of homework to choose from, so I also thought some kids chose this.) Before continuing I want to explain that the parents who did get the information said it wasn’t good enough, they didn’t know if a few questions just should be answered or make it bigger. Some families had done amazing presentations with printed photos, they brought foods and treats typical from their home country and, well, it was nice. I would have preferred to know so all children could make the same kind of effort.

Anyway, as it’s all about to end, about 15.40 Wille asks when it’s his turn. I said, he’s not on the list. He says he wants to – well first of all, I’m that lousy mother who didn’t make a frikkin’ power point OR make Swedish meatballs. So I knew, I need to fix this somehow. Can you imagine? Was my son disappointed? Was he sad at me for not standing there with an apron serving homemade gingerbread cookies? I looked around at all tired children and parents, knowing we might also only have their attention for about 20 seconds. Well, I asked Willes adorable teacher if Wille could do it too. She smiled and said she would be very pleased if he did! So, we were up next and the last ones. I couldn’t whisper too much to Wille, because a child was speaking. So I just told him that Stockholm is Swedens capital, that we will do our own thing and I will instead interview him, just follow my lead – oh, and we are going to dance and sing “små grodorna”. Willes teacher says it’s Wilhelms turn, that he is new in school and is still learning English.

I couldn’t believe my eyes, coolest boy in the world goes to sit down in front of everyone. I was terrified:

Me: Hello, what’s your name?
Wille: Wilhelm.

Me: Where are you from?
Wille: Sweden.

Me: Where were you born?
Wille: MALTA!

Me: Whaaaaaat? That’s not Sweden!
Wille: Haha, no!

Me: Okay, but you lived in Sweden, what’s the capital?
Wille: umm hmm. sssss…. STOCKHOLM!

Me: Okay, and what do we eat in Sweden with Lingon berries?
Wille: Hmm… mm, potatoes..?

Me: And…..?

Me: What do we look forward to in summer?
Wille: PIZZA!!!!! ** everyone laughs.

Me: Yes, pizza, but midsummer too! Should show how we dance and sing?
Me* I shortly explain that children and adults dance around singing about frogs with no eas or tails… we danced for about 5 seconds, but still.

Me: I have one last question, who do you love more your mum or dad?
Everyone including Wille laughs.
Wille: I can not answer anything. (Yes, he said those words, creating a whole sentence in English!!!)

Phu! We all left the class room and Wilhelm and I high fived, jumped up and down and he was super happy. And me? Well, I could have done all of those lovely things that the other parents did. But, hey, I made sure my boy did it, by “it” I mean to speak in front of people, to use a new language, just like that. He enjoyed it, he was not frightened. We had fun and he loved that he made people laugh. The most important to me is to know he will want to do it again. And I saw him grow a couple of inches. I will not win mum of the year, but wow, I get to be HIS mother year after year.

(When I left the kids to school his morning a mum told me they really liked our presentation. Ha! I did a mental high five and wanted to run in to Wille and tell him!)

When we came back in to Alba she completely broke down, I had missed a song. Her teacher said all was fine until she saw me. I explained that at that very moment I needed to be there for Wilhelm. That they both need to know that I was there, I was happy to be there, but I can’t be at two places at once. Albas teacher is so sweet and soon our little browned eyed girl smiled again.

Overall good, I’m exhausted. Everyone who knows me,

a lot of people – anxiety,

a loud sound level -anxiety

Other parents, what if I’m judged? – anxiety

Speaking in front of a large group, unprepared – anxiety deluxe.

My two kids happy – I’d carry the anxiety of the whole world to make them smile.

Adios, for now.

When life gives you lemons, throw them right back.

It’s been raining cats and dogs here the past few days. I could still sit on our balcony and do my stretching while listening to lovely sound that rain makes. None of us were really complaining. Alba and I even jumped a lot of puddles on the way home from school. Oh, the joy, I love it just as much as she does. If I wouldn’t look like a crazy person I would spend time dancing in the rain barefoot. Today the sun is out and a promise to reach 15 degrees. So lucky to get this weather during weekend so we can enjoy it together.


Friday night was spent with movie, pizza and red wine. I can’t get enough of parma pizza.

Babe, ready for weekend fun!

Our Saturday plan is to visit friends. Filips colleague and his family. Alba says the cutest thing “we are visiting daddys work person”, it’s so funny.

I’m going to try and photograph their family portraits with their newborn baby. Now they have three little adorable boys. Two of the kids are in the ages between 2-4. So, challenge accepted to gain their trust to let me take pictures and all of them tohehter. Capturing images with their own little personalities.

Time to get this day started.

Have a hot cup of coffee

I absolutely love when the coffee maker, right before it’s done, purrs like a pleased kitten lying on it’s back in complete trust. The familiar aromas filling the kitchen promising a new day has come. There’s a secrete message in the steam that’s slowly dancing from the hot cup. It’s easily forgotten in the daily morning rush and the very thought of the obligations waiting. However, in a still moment a remainder, as the sun has set and again arised, it’s a blank page. It is the very most perfect time to seize all of the possibilities that a new day holds.

I’ve never been able to trust that there’s a time and place for everything. Nonetheless I believe it to be true, I find it terrifying to give in and let go of things that are out my control. I seem to desperately, in vain, still reach for it. Many times I tend to stay hurt simply because I know it well. I’ve held hands with demons in the dark, it feels safe, they know me by now. Sleepless nights with wandering emotions and thoughts has awoken creativity. I feel it as a tingle in my finger tips and does my walking steps suddenly need to go faster, bigger? I have longed for it, worrying I’d scared it away, maybe even lost it forever. My dramatic way of thinking is on point.

I’m opening my heart with full power as if my chest could reach the sky. Allowing all senses to continue staying activated. Memories and moments making my inner shatter as well as gratitude heats and fills me, I indeed feel that too. Could it be that I should observe what’s happening, instead of struggling to alter? Perhaps instead of fearing that I will cut myself by touching the broken pieces, I should carefully choose the ones to I want to keep. To rebuild, this time with a learnt lesson, a little wiser. I can’t change what’s happened nor should I allow it to paint me all over with a brush dipped in colours that aren’t mine.

I sip on my coffee determined to let myself follow this through, it’s clearly waiting for me to do something about it. I’m ready to embrace it. 

Good morning, let the day begin.

“A black belt is a white belt that never quit”

So Monday has come to it’s end and (read my question as Chandler from Friends would say it, the ones who know will know) could I be a worse mother?

Wille was feeling better, he said so himself and he was teasing his sister like any other day. I asked him several times if he was up for lunch out and a little walk to the shop. I wanted first of all to get both of yesterdays dinner wishes met. It also seemed so easy with sushi for a quick lunch and for us all to get some fresh air. The plan was to shop so I could make homemade burgers. At first we had a lovely time taking turns on answering questions “always or never”. But slowly I saw Wille loosing energy. We tried eating fast and then went back home. He walked straight into our bedroom and before I knew it he was fast a sleep. I should have known.

We’ve had a nice and calm afternoon. Alba has now started complaining but I’m not sure if it’s just so that I’ll let her stay home tomorrow too. We’ll see. At the moment she is practicing karate and bouncing from the sofa screaming “hayaaaaaa”.

Tonights dinner:

The kids have asked me several times if we “please, please, please could watch a Christmas movie today?”. Should we start placing bets on whether we can make it another two weeks without starting it all too early. It’s even harder now that our matching Christmas pj’s came today. (Yeah, I’m torturing my family.)

What happened? When did the baby get so big?

We just finished watching “karate kid”. They loved it and I enjoyed watching something else but pokemon.

Time to get ready for bed.

Adios, for now.

“Sisters and brothers are the truest, purest forms of love, family and friendship, knowing when to hold you and when to challenge you, but always being a part of you.”

At this very moment I should be wishing for death at the Monday fitness class but instead I’m tucked in bed with the kids. Wille got a fever yesterday afternoon and has all night slept very close to me with a sore throat and headache. Poor little thing, the way he tells me that it hurts, he seems to believe that I can remove the pain. I really wish I could. Alba should have gone to school, of course, but she screamed from the top of her lungs that she would not go. I tried talking to her but she explained she will go nowhere without her brother. Ever. She also thought we would have lots of fun without her. She seems a little off today, so I’m actually a little worried she’s next in line for illness. Let’s hope not and fingers crossed for fast recovery. I will admit it’s cosy to stay in bed cuddling. Now we are watching Tintin and petting a tiger.

So, about yesterday, we did end up building our little shop. The kids enjoyed it so much I had time to cook, clean and take care of the laundry when they were playing. Obviously I had to come in shopping once in a while.

Albas money

All we need to do is to decorate it a little We started off doing it with the only thing we found, a Spanish newspaper. We like it!

We bought the biggest mango we have ever seen and it was absolutely delicious.

Fruit and movie before bedtime.

Today we will take it easy. I’ll see if there at all is a possibility to go for a quick food shopping. I thought I would get a lot of things done today. Never mind, there’s time another day.

Adios, for now.

Sundays – sleep until you’re hungry, eat until you’re sleepy

This morning the man of the house left for work at seven o’clock. I would almost call that in the middle of the night. Okay, that’s not fair but it should be a crime on a Sunday. Up until the last minutes of Filip getting ready I was holding my breath and thinking “please, please kids keep sleeping”… Then I heard Willes little soft voice. Oh, well, I thought. I was already awake and struggling to fall back in to sleep since hours back. But to my surprise Wille tip toed in to our bedroom and carefully found a place between me and Alba. I heard him snoring within minutes. Alba and Wilhelm are both so warm when they sleep and it is perfect sharing a big cover with them because I had been so cold during the night. Although, all the crazy kicking I could go without. I have a theory now, I think their little feet are searching for body contact confirming that I’m still there. And as I slowly move away from little feet they seem to come back with double force. That could be a reasonable explanation.

At around 9.30 Alba opened her big brown eyes and whispered “mamma, is it morning?”. The thought of answering no and keep on trying to sleep did cross my mind. The kids chose to switch on the movie “Rise or the Guardians”. We had a serious discussion whether it’s “too Christmasy” and what their dad would say about it. Because we, as a family, have decided to not feel, see or begin christmas a day before the first of December. And to be honest, even that could be a little early. I’ve already said this but It’s still driving me mad with all Christmas songs in every store or everywhere we go. I don’t mind lights along the streets are being prepared as long as they aren’t lit until, well first of December. I love Christmas, as a child it was my favorite time of the year. For a long time I believed it was a magical time and the only time that miracles would happen. And beginning Christmas too early is playing with fire, that just has to remove a little of the magic and we would all loose the chances of miracles. Willes argument for the movie won, if the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy are in it – it can not be a Christmas movie. Okay, we all agreed.

The kids snuggled up and began to argue over who held my hand, who was where ever first. I knew that was my cue and I made us breakfast in bed. I’m pretty sure that’s why we have Sunday’s in the world, they should be spent with the ones we love, sleeping in, eating a lot and all day long.

Today’s plans are a little unclear. I have the car, which Filip usually has. Its ridiculous how access to it makes me feel so free. It’s almost too much, so now I can’t make my mind up on what we should do. We’ll be going cruising a little anyhow.

As I mentioned we bought a new TV and the box from it is still in the hall. And I really don’t feel like trying to throw it out. So, I’m thinking if I should get the glue gun out and make them like a little shop out of it. But then I want to buy little things for the shop but on Sundays everything’s closed. Obviously because everyone is spending time with loved ones, sleeping in and eating all day. Sunday’s for the win!

So, miss stubborn Alba decided yesterday morning that she wanted to bake. Anything, but mostly muffins with everything on top. Everyone who knows me, they know I would never bake. I hate it. I truly do, and I would pay money just to never do it. But obviously I want to make my baby girl happy. And I tried getting my head around it, reading recipes, trying to mentally get there. Then I saw them – a bag full of plane muffins! I know Albas patience is as big as the eye of a needle. She wouldn’t want wait for dough to rise or when it’s in the oven. So we bought a bag full of them, sprinkles and nutella-look-a-like as frosting. And as a cherry on top we could “bake” on our balcony in the sun! If that isn’t the dream, I don’t know what is.

I made one, it was for Filip, ’cause that’s the kind of wife I am.

Afterwards we watched the new Lion King as we ate spaghetti bolognese for dinner.

Our Sunday list:

1. What’s on the top of the wish list today?

Alba: A real, real, real puppy…. Or a baby, little kitten. But it has to be really alive.

Wille: A radio-controlled car, which has to be super cool. It should be black and green or orange and black.

Me: Warm pyjamas with matching slippers. Or actually three sets in different colors!

2. If you could choose anything for dinner today, what would it be?

Wille: Mamas homemade burgers!

Alba: Sushi!

Me: Parma pizza, my new big craving.

3. If you could know the absolute and total truth to one question, what question would you ask?

Wille: How do dragons breathe fire?

Alba: At what time at night does Peter Pan come?

Me: Who was Jack The Ripper? Or was Marilyn Monroe killed? Was Winston Churchills memorable prints in history made during any time of top of the top or at the lowest of low in bipolar deases? We are all wondering, so I’ll put it out there, does fairies or anything similar actually exist? And what’s up with the Bermuda Triangle? Is soulmate a real thing? Who could possibly choose only ONE question? The last questions is not my final question so don’t answer it. I’m just saying.

4. If you got to choose what ever you want to, what would we do today?

Wille: Visit a museum to see the bones of real dinosaurs.

Alba: Go to a zoo and meet cheetahs.

Me: Swing by New York to see what the fuss is about. Or revisit Venice! Or eat cheese and drink wine in a tiny village in Italy. Or, I’m loosing it trying to answer these questions. I’d propably take the kids to New York for a long lunch and shopping then a gondola ride in Venice where we would enjoy a delicious three course meal. For dessert they’d have to cross a little bridge (still at my made up restaurant) on to a little island all made out of cookies and ice cream. And everytime the kids would utter the word “yummy” strawberry sprinkles would come down as snow from the roof.

5. What is your best joke?

Wille: Why is number one the first number? Because number one is first, called one because its a “bajskorv”.

Alba: Why does a dog run on turd? Because he is silly!

Me: knock, knock. Who’s there? This post ends here.

Now I have two restless souls next to me. It’s time to get the day started.

By the way, Wilhelm and Alba is asking EVERYONE we know to also answer the questions.

Adios, for now.

Padel for the win

Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.

– Will Smith

I would like to write “yay, weekend!”, I know it’s Friday but it feels like.. a Thursday. As if the weekend is oh, so close but still not. I’ll try and get it into my head.

The best of my Fridays is the pilates class at school with the other mamas. The instructor is very informative and I feel that I can push myself in a safe way after seeing the exercises and how to avoid injuries. And this week I only had medium sore muscles after Padel with Filip, so I could actually do a workout today. Seriously, last week I was almost crying every single step.

This week padel lesson was fun. It’s still so much for me to think about. And I might be the worse person at practicing any sports. Like, you know, in a comedy movie when you see that a person simply isn’t a sports person. But it’s okay because I think it’s so fun.

So first Filip and I played an hour just the two of us, the hour after we had the lesson.

When I picked the kids up Wilhelms first words were “I’m so proud and happy for Alba, she got a star today!” She had indeed gottenssomething – an award in her class. A few students got some too but for other qualities and Albas teacher said she chose Alba for “Adaptability”. My girl is so brave and she was beyond proud. (Not sure I should say, but there were two cute boys competing for her attention. Both of them seemed a little smitten. With big smiles they waved good bye.)

Alba, Wilhelm and his best friend John.

Adios, for now.

A little bit of everything

Hola, I should have gone to Spanish lesson yesterday but it was moved till today. And as it turnes out I just don’t have the time. Giving it another thought I’m sure it’s for the best too. I’m a hormonal mess. I can barely focus at all and it’s a struggle to get started. I’m in between emotions wanting to throw stuff in the wall and just wishing someone would hug me, even if it has to be a stranger. It all sounds so dramatic and this time it actually is. Everything does however feel better after morning yoga at the kids school. It was a relief to breathe into the flow, opening the mind and feeling the heat to spread from the inside and out, all the way to the tip of my toes.

Let’s all agree on being kind, I’m aware of that I did the opposite side.

Yeah, still need to get myself a yoga mat. I was slipping around more than Bambi on ice.

Yesterday the kids had their photos taken at school. They were so excited and. Did their hair in the morning.

When I picked up the kids Alba asked me if I could give her a job. She wants to earn money to buy a jumper with a flower on it. So, I said she could help me with the laundry, as that is “outside” of her own (unpaid) duties. Those are: making their beds, picking up toys and taking out their plates themselves. I believe in the kids knowing we all help out at home. That we clean “our own mess”. I’m hoping they will be grateful about that when they get older.

Wille did not want to earn money. He cleaned his room and then wrapped himself up in the sofa. It seemed very cosy.

I was in the mood for this curry dish even though I did not have a recipe or had ever made it. So delicious if I get to say so myself.

Yes! Yes! Yes, children! I’m going to try to say YES more to the kids this week. More than ever, to as many questions as possible. Try not to assume and expect them to “know by now”. All this to actually make my “no” stronger. I’ve lost the power guys, seriously, sometimes I say no like 12 times in a row. No, not even that’s enough for me to be heard or listened to. So I’m trying this. Seven days. Choosing my battles very, very carefully. They don’t know what they’ve started. This means war and I must win.

Adios, for now.